Omg, if i could rewind time, I would . If i could have stuck with the gut feeling that I had to stay home instead of going on a short drive, he would still be here. But, in actuallity, it was my stupidity that caused him to die that painful death. We got home from walmart (ironically getting Simon some wet food that would taste better than what we had already) .... it was around 10:30 and cory said he wanted to go on a short drive with me so we could talk because i have been out of sorts lately. I said o.k. but we first had to drop the ice off so it wouldn't melt. He runs in and then comes out holding the phone because the neighbor called wanting to ask me for a tampon. I ran inside and went through the side back door that was closest to our room. Not thinking, I guess I left the door open with my back turned one second too many because that was his only opportunity to slip out of the house. And to think, I was the one yelling at everyone else in the house to, "Shut the door! Remeber we have a cat now?!". Well, as I ran out of the house to the neighbor who met us by our garage in the back of the house, I looked to make sure the door was closed but didn't think twice because I assumed he was still inside. Funny thing was that china ran towards me, almost trippign me by going through my legs and I started laughing because I thought it was funny. I guess she was just trying to get to what she saw as a predator or intruder in our backyard. I mean, didn't she HAVE to know that it was Simon? I get the whole "animal instinct" junk, but she saw us pet him and love on simon through the door. (we introduced them through the screen door with cory on one side and me on the other). It was about a ten minute drive that we took before we came back home and by that time, it was too late. We pull into the garage and hear Toby (our other small dog who actually loved the cat) barking non-stop. This was wierd (especially this late at night) so i got Mecah, ran out of the garage, and yelled to cory that there was a cat that looked dead in our yard. As I ran towards the cat, it seemed to resemble Simon but there was NO WAY it could be him. our house was locked up, the windows shut, and this cat was way too mangeled to be our sweet little pretty kitty...right? WRONG, this cat that was laying on the ground gasping for air, his hair all ripped out on both sides of his back end, all matted up with dirt everywhere was Simon. 

I kept asking cory, "are you SURE its him?!". He said that he was and my heart sank to the floor. I thought back to running in the house and KNEW KNEW KNEW that it was me that killed him. I couldn't stop crying and yelling that I, the one that loved him so much, just killed him. i promised to protect him and that I wasn't going to let him ever live a life in the pound or cage again. We laid him down in our bathtub and by that time, he was so near death that I couldn't watch. I stood outside the bathroom crying, knowing I caused him to die such a painful death. As I walked in the bathroom to say goodbye, I noticed that his little snaggle tooth that hung down so far when he had his mouth closed was broken off. I called Stacey because I wanted to ask her if she thought he could just be in shock. She was the only one that was up that late at night and that had cats that I could ask. By the time that she answered, he took his last breath and died. All night, I couldn't stop blaming myself and iwishing that I would wake up and it all be a dream. I know that a lot of poeple out there think that animals are just that, animals, but to me Simon was my baby....he was unlike any other cat I have seen. He would follow us aroudn the house, was there waiting at our bedroom door when we woke up in the morning. He was there when we got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night or to get a drink. We even had a time in the night after the kids went to bed that he would automatically climb up in my lap and lay down like a baby so I could pet him and brush him. What hurts me though, is that the past 3 nights, I have been wanting to be alone in the bedroom so I neglected to give him our cuddle time. 

He really was the best cat that I could have asked for. He was loyal, very affectionate, loving, and was GREAT with the kids. In fact, Mecah woudl crawl across the room for two things, food, or the cat. They loved him. This morning, I woke up and was so fumming mad at China that I could have strangeled her to death with my bare hands. I looked outside and noticed some hair on the ground and couldn't bear to have it just laying there. i went around our cement pad and picked up a good handful of simon's kitty hair and set it down to be burried with him. cory dug a hole for him in a shady, cool place between our back doors where he would be able to rest peacefully. As we put the dirt on top of him,  I was secretly hoping that I could walk inside and see him walking down the hall or into the kitchen. Wierd thing was that as we put him in the hole, I could swear I heard him Meow his cute little Meoooow. It was almost like he was saying goodbye to me. I couldn't apologize enough to this poor cat. 8 years old and he went from home to home, pound to pound. We never deserved him....... i never deserved him. Everyone keeps telling me how it was an accident but I still think that If I had looked back, refused the drive, or just paid better attention, i wouldn't have killed him. I will NEVER forgive myself for this. How could I have done this? I am so evil and can't look in the mirror without feeling like crap. 

Today we are going to the store and i am going to pick up some pretty flowers to put around his grave. Perhaps some snap dragons or something. You know what the hardest part was today, waking up and knowing he wouldn't be there meowing at our door, following us everywhere. I  caused cory to be hurt, i caused simon to suffer a painful death, and I lost a good friend because i was too self absorbed to notice anything around me. . . how could I?




R.I.P - Simon "Simer-doodle" We love you and you will be missed dearly. I am soooo sorry baby!